Letting Go

Last weekend I went to Kirksville and it was really amazing.  Before I went I was all full of emotions.  I was really anxious and nervous, but also determined to have a great time.  We hung out, baked, talked, and went on an awesome picnic, but the best part of the weekend was spending time out at the living cross at Jo-Ota with Erin.  While the rest of the Flame was out doing the challenge course, Erin and I went up to the living cross for some much-needed quiet time.  As soon as I got into that space, I knew it was exactly where I was supposed to be...and needed to be.  I felt so calm and my time there allowed me to let go of a lot and find the peace I've been needing. 

I have been carrying around a lot of hurt and anger for a while now, and much more lately.  I became so far from God, and wasn't letting Him in to heal me.  I knew that I had to go back to him if I'm ever going to really be healed of all this hurt.  At the living cross I started that journey, and I felt renewed.  I am continually working on letting go of the things that have happened so I can move on and get back to being me. 

Love is in the Air

No, not for me, at least not in a romantic way.  The last two weekends I've been at weddings, which makes me think even more about love.  It has been such an incredible joy to see my friends fall in love and grow in their relationships, and get married.  I love weddings. This is no secret.  I get really excited about dresses and flowers and decorations, but even more exciting is the chance to SEE love.  Yes, I mean see.  Obviously love is something you feel, but I love it when you can see it.  People in love look at each other differently.  That's why we all love to look at the groom when the bride is walking down the aisle: we can see his love for her. 

Being at these weddings, as great as they were, made me think a lot.  They reminded me again of what I want: to love and be loved, to share my life with someone.  These things always go through my mind when I'm at weddings, and I guess it was just more on my mind because of everything that's been going on.  I am so incredibly happy for the couples I've been celebrating, but it is kinda hard to be celebrating love when I'm trying to fall out of it.  I can't lie and say that my heart doesn't hurt, but it's on the mend.  I'm learning to let myself be worth more, and that I'm allowed to have expectations and emotions.  I'm trying to stay positive and focus on the things i'm learning instead of the hurt.  I have so much love in my life, I really don't want to lose sight of all of the other wonderful people in my life.